It’s a phase…. He’ll grow out of it….. He doesn’t know what he’s saying…. Don’t take it personally… These are just a few of the phrases I hear on a daily basis at the moment. From what I understand this doesn’t seem likely to change at any point in the near future, or even over the next decade.
The current ‘phase’ is the one I’m really taking the most personally. When Cal and I are together without anyone else we get on so well, laugh and play without a care in the world. Add in a certain male member of the family – Mr L, and it’s a whole different ball game. I only have to look at Cal or sit next to him and I hear “No Mummy!”, “Daddy do it!” “Daddy! DADDY!!!!” – cue sobs, tears, screams and hitting. Anything to get Daddy’s attention and get me away from him.
My sensible head says ‘make the most of this. If Cal wants daddy then let daddy do all the jobs’. My heart says ‘why doesn’t my son want me?’ I’ve given my all to this child – changed my body for him, carried him for 9 months, been through pain and exhaustion delivering him to the world, nourished him with breast milk then helped him grow, develop and learn by spending days, and nights supporting him when he’s needed me as well as cooking and producing wholesome home cooked meals. In my eyes he’s had nothing but the best from me, whatever it took, however many tears I cried and however much pain I’ve been through.
Now you might be thinking, so what’s different about my relationship to my son and the journey I’ve been, through compared to every other mum I know and every other mother in the world? Well the answer is nothing. I’ve heard many a similar story but it doesn’t make it ok. It’s hard and it’s heartbreaking. I long for the day Cal wants Mummy for cuddles and support again. I realise now how much I treasured those early days when Cal needed his Mummy so much. The late nights and early morning cuddles when only Mummy could help.
I know it’s a phase and tables will turn again. Probably when a girl at school breaks his heart for the first time, or when he falls off his bike one day. I’ll be here waiting with get-better-kisses and great big cuddles because that’s what Mummy’s do. We take the rough with the smooth loving unconditionally. For now Daddy can have his time.